An Open Letter to My Body

Dear Body,

I know that we’ve not always been on good terms. I mean, I’ve made you fat for most of my adult life with my uncontrollable urges to eat foods that are by and large not the best food choices and lethargy that would shame the common tree sloth. Well, there have been lean times. Remember the time back in 1997 where we were 50 pounds lighter? I know we looked great then, but it came with a high price: acute depression, loss of appetite, and a penchant for lots of cheap red wine. Now in the era post-anti-depressants, our happiness is really worth the extra 3 clothing sizes, isn’t it? ISN’T IT???

And I’m sorry about all the miles on the treadmill and the bike that I subject you to. Clearly, the free weights and crunches aren’t as much fun as let’s say, sitting in the recliner with a plate of Oreo’s, but hey, I’m approaching 40 and we need to stick around for a while. Plus, it would make my doctor and insurance company very happy if we dropped a few pounds and our blood pressure came down a few points.

Otherwise, I think I’ve been ok to you. One broken ankle in all these years is not bad, you know. Sure, we’ve had some burns, scrapes, contusions, stitches, scars, and a pulled muscle or two, but I’ve come through for you. No major surgeries, no prolonged illnesses, no substance abuse that qualifies me for any kind of treatment or 12-step program. Well, I do apologize about the tattoo. It really was painful, wasn’t it? But it healed so perfectly and I love it. Consider it an investment. We’ll have years of enjoyment as the return on the mere two weeks of soreness.

Now, Body, you have had the upper hand, I would say, in terms of everything else that goes on internally and hormonally. I am writing this letter to you so that we can come to some agreement. I know that you have had a nice respite from the pills, the shots, the daily blood draws, and the constant intrusions (in all the wrong places!) with the ultrasound camera. Hope you’ve enjoyed your little vacation, because we’re going to start that up again as we attempt IVF Round 2. Now, you were so good on the last attempt. You delivered plenty of eggs and even let 1 or 2 of the fertilized little suckers implant. For that, I am eternally grateful. But this time, I am hoping we can go all the way.

Yes, yes, I know… it will mean more of the same. Trips to the specialist at least three times a week and shots every day, either in the abdomen or the tush or both, but trust me, it will all be worth it in the end. This time, body, can you please, please, please let me stay pregnant? Surely you know how much this means to me. Of course, there will be changes if we stay pregnant, but they won’t be permanent. Look, I am happy to make some concessions here. I can give up ice cream, I will eat more veggies – asparagus even, and I will gladly take some nausea or headaches in return. Heck, if you want to give me some zits, that would be fine too.

Anyway, please think it over. This means everything to me, and you know, it would really be in the best interest of both of us if we could make this work.

Love Your Current Occupant,
Renee