Gray Matter Randoms

You can see that I’ve changed the entire look of the blog. I like this pink color much better. It feels warmer than the green squares, don’t you think? But more than just the look of the page, I’m moving in a new direction with regard to the thoughts and entries.

I’ve decided to include our fertility stuff. I’ve sort of ceased talking about it in person with others, for the most part, but writing it down is a way for me to get it out and a way for others to know what we’re up to in that department, whether they be attuned followers or the casual spectator. There will be days like last Monday, where I am very angry at the way things are. Please bear with me and know that it doesn’t last. And don’t be offended. This is who I am. The whole process of trying to have a child (fruitlessly, thus far) has changed me in some ways permanently. I am not entirely the same person that I was before. And to all of you who have been there for me through this whole process and graciously listened to me rant and cry, I thank you.

Two weeks to Las Vegas! The countdown is on. We are planning to see Red Rock Canyon this time, which I’m completely thrilled about. I would like to do the horseback ride around the rim of the canyon, but we haven’t finalized that yet. I still have yet to find a dress for the vow renewal ceremony. Something circa 1955 would be nice, if I can find it. And a great big thank you to those who will be with us in LV, are making a special trip out just for the ceremony, and to those of you who’ve told me that you’d love to come but can’t make it. Words aren’t sufficient to express just how much that means to me and how loved I feel. Friends like you are what really matter in life.

Speaking of friends, it’s just now hitting me that one of my best girlfriends, her husband and child (my sweet godchild) are literally around the world now. And will be for the next 5 years. I guess I’ve been in a kind of denial that they’ve moved from the cute little house in suburban Maryland to Tanzania. Sure, I helped her pack some stuff and spent some time with them before they left, but it was all very dream-like, as if she were simply going on a vacation. I didn’t really think too much about the future, other than, “Woot! I’m going to Tanzania in 2010!” or “I will see them on home leave next fall”, but it’s just now hitting me that I won’t be able make the 3 hour drive to DC and hang out with them on any given weekend. And they won’t be coming up to NJ for Christmas this year. No birthday party for my little buddy this year. No stress-relieving girl’s nights out. Hmmm. This one is tough.

On to something happier…. Happy Autumn! The most glorious season of the year if you happen to live in the mid-Atlantic states. I have spent some time over the last 2 weekends sprucing up the flower beds with my fall plantings: mums, asters and (new this year) ornamental pepper plants. Take that, you grazing deer that feel free to use my flowers and shrubs as your personal all-you-can-eat buffet! Still have to plant bulbs for Spring flowers. I’m fairly certain that I bought at least 200 bulbs. Tulips and daffodils of the regular and slightly exotic variety, to be sure. Anyway, the leaves are falling and it’s getting cooler at night. Good weather for the fire pit and flannel sheets. I just love it.